Badly Beaten Bandits

Adventuring On

2021-03-01

Retelling

We decided that we would ambush us some thieves We asked the treemom when the next cart would leave She said it was heading out later tonight Juniper threw bones to gain some foresight The bones said the bandits weren't helping the Dregs So, Hoj couldn't wait to go break all their legs But we'd need disguises as part of our plan Here's how it went down for each woman and man Lyrad would track us and hide 'mongst the trees Will would survey us from the canopies Junibird flew up above in the sky Mugs would shape-shift into a wagon guy Rys, sporting his new disguise self tattoo Knew most precisely what he was to do A sack of potatoes would be his disguise Those bandits were in for a nasty surprise That night, Hoj's thinking just wasn't too sharp He opted to simply hide under a tarp Though easy and also effective as well It doesn't make too fun a story to tell Velora we left there to keep out an eye On Hope, who's the newly replaced wagon guy Mugs, it turned out, couldn't pilot a cart Seemed our plan was off to a rocky start We passed few patrols or people roaming 'round A layer of snow did collect on the ground Then Lyrad spotted motion behind a rock And out from the shadows a figure did walk Junibird swooped in immediately And dire wolfed straight at some foes she could see And Rys gave the leader a nasty surprise The heat from his armor, it quickly did rise But a warbling sack of potatoes, it seems Will draw the attention of archery teams And so Rys was struck by an arrow or two He cursed as he learned his disguise really blew Lyrad pincushioned a bandit with ease Hoj rushed another hiding behind trees Mugs swept the leg of the now-screaming boss Against us the bandits seemed quite at a loss Vale rushed a bandit and de-cloaked real close Of fear that poor bandit received quite a dose The man dropped his blade and then screamed out in angst And Will sunk some arrows in two bandits' flanks The bandits replied with their many attacks But most of their daggers rolled right off our backs Some of them got in a chance slash or two But their turn's end, it was clear they were through Potato sack Rys rolled up under a cart And started to work his most wonderful art And created a lullaby so soft and sweet That two bandits fell fast asleep on their feet Juniwolf snapped at a foe who turned tail And into their leg, Juniwolf's teeth impaled Lyrad decided enough was enough And shouted out something that proves she's so tough "You guys are messed up, just surrender or die" The bandits could tell that this wasn't a lie And so one by one they each put up their hands Except one who took off for some distant lands Will hit the bandit with a seeker dart And Juniwolf fetched them using her mouthpart And so we collected a pile of thieves Most of them seemed equal parts scared and peeved Vale and Juniwolf took quite different tacks In trying to get our new captives to crack Juniwolf growled and chomped on their arms And Vale kept on healing them after each harm We finally learned that this sad band of crooks Knew a Dragonborn from whom orders they took The guy's name was Kelv and he had six more troops So that meant we'd already took half his group We asked new friend, Eddard, "deliver the grain" He snorted and told us we must use our brains The horses he's using would soon disappear And then he'd be stranded and freeze off his rear More horses were summoned and captives were bound And tied to the carts which would lead them around We gathered the corpse and threw it on the cart And that's how the journey to Kelv's camp did start