This Bard's Got Your Back

Used to Cast

A Good Time

A Reimagining of

Baby Got Back

As Originally Performed by

Sir Mixalot

Lyrics

I'm not just here to help you shake your booty... I like to bard, and I cannot lie You tavern dwellers can't deny That when I walk in to your favorite drinkin' place And put my pan flute to my face You get sprung, you can't get enough ‘Cause you noticed my lute was stuffed Deep in the pack I'm carryin' And my drum is set for snarin' Oh, mage, I wanna hitch with ya And sketch your verbal picture My home bards try to warn me That the quest you're on seems way too thorny Hey there you paladin, You say you only need god to win Well, ‘scuse me, ‘scuse me, I can get your god more groupies I'll get you dancing, While you're doing your lancin' I'll bet you won't sweat, When I've got your back during a threat Your enemies I'll demean, When they show up on the scene Take the average artiste and ask him that And he'll just crap his slacks! So heroes (yeah) heroes (yeah) Does your party have a bard? Well then thank them, thank them yeah! Thank that helpful bard [Chorus] This bards got your back! This bards got your back! This bards got your back! This bards got your back! I make the rounds, I'm big And when I'm playin' a gig I just can't help myself, I'm full of braggadocio That's how my sets go I want folks at my shows To say whoa! Double-up whoa whoa! I ain't gonna be too coy ‘Cause my epic tales earn me lots of coin My tales are real thick and juicy I'll make your income double Spinnin' yarns no trouble Your fame will expand like a bubble I don't care where your party goes I'll be there with you writin' my prose And the songs that I'll compose Become what everyone knows A word to my quick rougue sistas, I want trek with ya I'll make my praise befit ya But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna rest And it must be long This bard's got it going on A lot of poets won't like this song 'Cause them punks like to write it, not fight it But I'll get into the fray Cause I'm gold, and I'm bold And I'm bound to get your story told So mages (yeah), mages (yeah) Do you want to be in history's pages? (yeah) Then let this bard add to your clout Even wizards got to shout [Chorus] This bard's got your back This bard's got your back This bard's got your back This bard's got your back [3:32] Actually, when, when it comes to tall tales I'll use every literary device at my discretion I mean, fightin' rats and wild boars out in the sticks? I'll spin a yarn of glory [3:43] So your warlock rolls a nat one And your party's having no fun But I'm not one to let a battle to go un-won On my mockarina I play my songs Until your enemies are long gone You can do side quests or one-shots But please include a bard Some parties want to risk makin' bad rolls When bardic inspiration they forgo They end up like a cheap drum In how badly bad guys beat 'em So your quest's feelin' flat Well I ain't down with that Your campaign's well paced and some butt your kickin' You just need a musician To the gallant knights who just tank and fight I'll help you reach new heights Give me a lyre and I'll inspire As I light foes up with faerie fire Some sorcerer acted cold Saying a bard ain't worth one gold But this bard will help you get richer, You know like “throw a coin to your witcher” So heroes if you want renown You're gonna wanna have this bard around Dial 1-900-BARD-4-ME And I'll ensure your legacy [Chorus] This bard's got your back! This bard's got your back! This bard's got your back! This bard's got your back!